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How did this Happen?

  • Marjoe's addiction began with "a few beers and joints" as a teen.

  • "A few beers and joints" turned into a 15 year battle with addiction resulting in hopelessness and despair.

  • Marjoe finally went to rehab in 2009 and found spiritual peace, courage & hope.

  • Marjoe relapsed and died on April 18, 2010 just two days after his 31st birthday.

On April 18, 2010 at 5:16 am, my life, along with my entire family, changed forever. To this day, I cannot remember the words that the "man in the white coat" said to me as he walked out of the ER room, but I will never forget the words that came screaming out of my mouth as they echoed in slow motion down the hospital corridor "Nooooooooooo.... it wasn't supposed to end this way." I knew, even though I never heard the doctor's words, that my 31 year old son was lying dead on a cold table behind those closed ER doors, and I knew that no parent should ever have to endure such unbelieveable, agonizing sorrow. My heart shattered like glass in a million pieces that chilly spring morning, and I will never find all of the pieces because part of my heart went with my son that day. He let go of God's hand for a second instance, and he lost his life. In the deepest part of my being, I knew he had relapsed and overdosed and it had taken his life. Over two months later, the autopsy report confirmed it.

Yes, "getting high" can kill you. It did my son. His passion to talk to the youth about the dangers of alcohol and drugs had now become my mission. A seed was planted deep within my heart, and I became a mother on a mission. In his memory, I will do anything and everything I can to prevent another family from wondering every day for the rest of their lives, "What else could I have done?"

Through the most heartbreaking tragedy of my entire life, God has been faithful, and He has carried me when I could not walk, held my tears when they flowed like a river, and gave me strength when I felt too weak to face the sunrise. God has been my rock and my hope. He has brought many beautful people into my life who have suffered the same agonizing pain of watching helplessly as a loved one walked the road of addiction. We have cried together, held each other up, and given each other courage. We have bonded in a way that no else could possibly understand. The sorrow in my heart has grown into a passion for helping others.

                                                                                                                                                  - Mary Juarez

My dear son Marjoe,

I never knew...when I held you as a little boy, that I would have to say "goodbye" to you someday because you would leave this earth before me.

I never knew...that at the beginning of your teenage years things would soon change

and that this change would alter the whole direction of your path in life.

I never knew...that first night when I caught you drinking

 that it would be the beginning of many years of darkness for you.

I never knew...that you would eventually run away from the faith that I raised you in

 and turn your back on Jesus who loved you so much.

I never knew...that I would end up begging the Lord for your salvation

 and actually be so desperate that I would tell Him He could have my life if 

He would only bring you back to the right path.

I never hard it was for you to say "No" 

in a crowd of everyone else who was saying "Yes."

I never much pain, hopelessness, and sorrow 

you had to endure during those years.

I never knew...that going through withdrawals while trying to fight addiction

 could make someone so sick that they almost wish they were not here because of the chills, vomiting, body-aches, pain, fever, throwing up, unbearable cravings, etc.

I never knew...that night of your 31st birthday when I stood on my tiptoes 

and kissed your cheek while saying goodbye, that it would be the last time I would see you.

I never knew...the excruciating pain of a mother's heart shattering in a million pieces

 in the early morning hours in an ER room while holding your lifeless body.

I never hard you really fought to gain your sobriety 

and how much you really hated the journey you were on.

I never knew...that there would never be a day when I did not wonder 

what else I could have done to save you.

I never the lives of an entire family 

could change forever within a second in time.

I never knew...what the word "Passion" meant until I lost you, 

and now...I will do everything I can to fight this epidemic of drug addiction, 

in your memory, my son. I love you so much 

and I will miss you every second of my life until I see you again.

I never knew...and I am thankful I didn’t.

-Mary Juarez

© 2018 Never Let Go Ministries
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